When life doesn’t go according to plan, our first response will often be one of fear. Unfortunately, life generally never goes according to plan – so we encounter fear a lot!

Since fear cannot be avoided, we need to develop tools to cope with it so that we can allow it a constructive space in our lives, and not let it be a destructive force if left unchecked.

Hopefully, this brief article can spark conversations that will help us all learn to fight the fear in our daily lives and begin to explore our own unique reactions a little closer.

This blog is how we recognise our stress responses to fear, accept them and move past them.

If you ask most people what the typical responses to fear are, they may reply with ‘Fight or Flight’. But what many of us don’t know is that there are two more responses, these are Freeze and Fawn. None of these are good or bad, they’re just typical responses that we lean towards to cope with our fear.

With the help of trauma-informed treatment specialist, Patrick Walden, (LICSW), here are some brief overviews that he shared in an interview with The Mighty.

Fight (anger)
Those of us who tend toward the fight response innately believe power will guarantee the security and control that we may have lacked in childhood.

“Fight looks like self-preservation at all costs,” Walden told The Mighty, adding that this trauma response can manifest in explosive outbursts of temper, aggressive behavior, demanding perfection from others or being “unfair” in interpersonal confrontations.

He also noted that while we typically associate the fight response with men, women can also struggle with anger, though in many cases they direct their anger inward at themselves instead of toward others.

Recognising our default response to be angry will help us temper this response and create space to calm down before making any decisions or hurting people around us unnecessarily.

Flight (anxiety)
This fear response usually shows up in people who are chronically busy and perfectionistic. They may believe “being perfect” is a surefire way to receive love and prevent abandonment by important people in their lives.

“Flight can look like obsessive thinking or compulsive behavior, feelings of panic or anxiety, rushing around, being a workaholic or over-worrying, [and being] unable to sit still or feel relaxed,” Walden said.

Taking time to meditate and reduce anxiety is helpful for those of us who tend towards this type of response.

Freeze (avoidance)
Some of us who experience the freeze response are often mistrustful of others and generally find comfort in solitude. The freeze response may also refer to feeling physically or mentally “frozen” as a result of trauma, which people may experience as dissociation.

“Freeze looks like spacing out or feeling unreal, isolating [yourself] from the outside world, being a couch potato … [and having] difficulty making and acting on decisions,” Walden said.

If you feel like this when fear hits, having a few people you trust and can encourage you to take action would be helpful to overcoming your fears.

Fawn (accommodating)
Fawning is perhaps best understood as “people-pleasing.” According to Walker, who coined the term “fawn” as it relates to trauma, people with the fawn response are so accommodating of others’ needs that they often find themselves in codependent relationships.

“Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs and demands of others. They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences and boundaries.”

If you’re a ‘YES’ person and struggle to enforce boundaries, remind yourself that it’s okay to say ‘NO’ and put yourself first. If you don’t work on yourself you will have nothing to give others in times of crisis.

Remember, we will all experience fear – every day in fact. Most of the time the fear that we experience is easy to cope with, but when fear becomes debilitating we need to bring it in check so that we can move forward and not find ourselves stuck in our fear or reacting in fear.

For the full article on The Mighty – click here.

Don’t avoid digital help. Whilst there are many dystopian stories about how robots will take over the world, those projected realities are highly unlikely to ever manifest.

AI, big data and cloud storage can be our friend in making our life easier – which is what technology was always intended for!

Granted, we can easily become disconnected from the material and relational world around us if we immerse ourselves too completely in the digital world, so balance is always crucial – but still, we can be astute in how we use it.

These tips are all about how digital space can create more space in your life

USE CLOUD STORAGE

Everyone seems to talk about ‘the cloud’ as if we all actually understand what that means. If you’re feeling left out, here’s a quick explanation. Storing information in the cloud means that you’re using someone else’s computer (called a hosting or cloud server, like Google Drive) to store your information, and that computer is always online. This means that you can access your information through the internet, from any device, in any location at any time – provided you have internet access.

Google, Microsoft, Dropbox – these are all good examples of cloud servers but there are literally hundreds of options.

The ultimate advantage to you is that your information is kept off-site. So… when you spill coffee on your laptop, a power-surge blows your desktop or you drop your phone in the loo, you don’t lose your data. You can store photos and family videos in the cloud. You might want to scan and save important documents – the options are limitless.

It also helps if you run a business. Instead of having an expensive local server, you can share all information in the cloud so that your team can access what they need. And again – should anything happen to a device (or everything in your office), you can keep valuable business information safe and accessible.

USE A VIRTUAL DIGITAL ASSISTANT (VDA, VA or DA)

Most smartphones come with a built-in DA (Siri and Alexa are great examples), but we use them to do fun things like finding out the time in a different country and playing a specific song.

But, you can use your DA to set up tasks and reminders. This can range from phone calls that you need to make, emails you might need to follow up on in two to three months or everyday tasks like managing your shopping list.

If you couple this tip with cloud storage, you can create shared lists that anyone in your family or team can update. From shopping lists, monthly budgets and wish lists for holidays, birthdays and home improvements, integrating your use of Siri in your daily life will make your life WAY easier.

If there is something in your life that is causing stress because it’s clumsy or cumbersome, see how you can change it to make your life easier!

Every time we say ‘YES’ to something new, it seems to just make our life more complicated down the line; more events to attend, increased responsibilities and less time to relax and do what we really want to do.

Finding just the right amount of order in your life is one of the secrets to making your life easier (learning to say ‘No.’ is another secret…)

Whilst we can’t just stop growing and adding more to our lives, we can look at ways to make other things in our life easier. From planning our budget to organizing our laundry, no task is too mundane to refine and review!

There are so many great ideas on the web – but here are some of them from www.harvardhomemaker.com.

THE THREE BAG LAUNDRY SORTER

Whether you run a household of seven or live the single life, laundry has to be sorted. It seems completely pedestrian to ‘plan’ your laundry sorting – but it will save you time and frustration which ultimately opens up space in your life.

Set up three baskets or bags – one for whites, one for darks and one for colours. Label it and make sure everyone in the house knows what’s potting. This way – when one bag or basket is full – that’s the load you do. You’ll save loads of time on every load of washing!

THE DOUBLE-COOKING PLAN

When you’re cooking a pasta, rice or curry dish – prepare double the amount that you need and freeze the leftovers. This requires two levels of discipline – the first is in the planning and the second is in the eating!

Cooking double what you need DOESN’T cost you double. In fact, it costs you less: buying ingredients in bulk, using electricity once, and cleaning up pots and pans once. It does require some forethought, it’s not something you can easily do at the last minute on a Tuesday night. Many people who employ this trick will plan and cook meals on a Sunday for the week ahead.

When it comes to dishing up, only put out half of the food to avoid the temptation of having seconds simply because the food is there. Once in the freezer, you can easily enjoy that savvy meal up to a week later.

THE FILING CABINET

These are not just for work! When you receive statements in the mail, have important documents (IDs, passports and certified copies) or information packs that come with your digital devices (these also often have important codes that you may need later), have a filing cabinet or draw where you can store them vertically (like a concertina file).

When you have easy access to this information and the space to store it you will be more likely to file it away safely instead of piling it on the nearest counter to fall over and cause frustration in your life.

Making your life easier is not about changing one thing, it’s about learning how to adjust to the constant change in your life.

Every day our lives get a little more complicated. That’s the reality of the world that we’re currently living in. It’s not easy to keep order in your life – even if you’re one of the few who excel in keeping things in line!

Finding just the right amount of order in your life is one of the secrets to making your life easier (learning to say ‘No.’ is another secret…)

When you can find what you’re looking for, quickly and easily, you will have more time to be creative and work on projects that will help you grow, but you also won’t need to go out and ‘buy another one’…

There are so many great ideas on the web – but here are some of them from www.harvardhomemaker.com.

USE ONLINE GROCERY SHOPPING

Think about it: do some clicking in the comfort of your own home at night; select your delivery option – and it’s done. The groceries magically appear – you (and your family) don’t even have to get into your car.

Most of the local online grocery options also enable you to order previously purchased products, keeping a list of your popular items – making it quicker and easier to top up your fridge and pantry each time you log on to your account.

Both Pick ‘n Pay and Woolworths offer great options.

USE HANGING SHOE HOLDERS – NOT FOR SHOES THOUGH…

Whether it’s behind the bathroom door for extra toiletries and medicines, hanging inside the broom closet with your detergents or in the garage with tools, paints, chemicals and odds and ends – these simple, ridiculously-cheap, organizers can be hidden away and hung almost anywhere discreet and give you considerably more shelf space – and allow you to see the full scope of what you have.

You’ll never buy too much jik, or lose your spare razor blades again!

USE A TASK SCHEDULER THAT IS DIFFERENT TO YOUR EMAILS

This is great for your work ethic!

When you’re trying to be super productive at work, nothing is more disruptive than an email coming through that is asking you to ‘quickly’ do something. It breaks your creative work flow, slows you down and increases your stress levels.

Many of us allow our emails, texts or phones to govern our task scheduling. We start off the day with one project in mind – and then if a message comes through, instead of prioritising and scheduling it for later, we deal with it now because we know that if we close that message… we might forget.

Asana and Monday.com are great tools to use – the former has a free version whilst the latter is a paid-for solution.

Having a task programme that is separate to your emails, allows you to transfer requests, schedule them and stick to the job at hand. And you won’t miss a beat.

Hopefully these ideas help to make your life a little easier and less complicated!

After owing its name to the mindful Fransciscan monks, the Capuchin friars, many of us overlook our daily cappuccino (or other frothy delight) and how much we spend on these little luxuries in life.

One of the best ways to add meaning to our money is to be mindful about how we spend it, and our financial well-being is closely linked to how we feel about our money and what it means to us.

If we use the example of buying a daily cup of take-away coffee (this could be from Woolies, Starbucks or your local hipster cafe) – we can learn a lot about our spending habits and bias.

Many people savour the flavour of this power drink each morning, and many caffeine addicts can happily knock back a few in a row. However, some calculations show that if you’re willing to give up just one of those daily cappuccinos, you could save nearly R40,000 in five years and over R90,000 in a decade. 

With the ominous effects of inflation and the cost of living on the rise around the world, it can often seem impossible to save more money without the help of a big bonus or salary increase. However, Hildegard Wilson, a member of the Actuarial Society of South Africa’s investment committee, is quick to ascertain “that you can save without compromising your overall standard of living. With the power of compounding, where growth on your investment earns additional growth, these kinds of ‘breadcrumb’ savings can turn into large amounts over time.”

If you buy a cappuccino from Monday to Friday at an average cost of R25, your coffee habit is costing you roughly R500 a month. If you opt to forego the cappuccinos, you could alternatively commit to investing R500 a month in a multi-asset high-equity unit trust fund. Over the past decade (calculated up until March 2017), high-equity funds have delivered average annual returns of 8.2%. Although this figure offers no guarantee of future performance, if your investment were to achieve an annual average return of 8.2%, you would have just over R37,180 after five years and R93,130 after 10 years.

Foregoing just one cappuccino a day, you could generate a significant lump sum, which could make a serious dent in your debts, or top up an education or retirement fund.

The goal is not to give up a cappuccino, it’s to be mindful of how you use your money and acknowledge that the little things all add up in the end. So… next time you order your beverage of choice, hopefully it makes you think!

For many, the way in which we save and invest is not a daily conversation, so it’s easy to forget what we have in place AND WHY we have it in place. Here’s a quick reminder!

An RA… or Retirement Annuity is one such product that can often confuse many.

RAs have been around for a long time and are basically private pension plans that help you to save for retirement. As we near the end of yet another tax year, we move into a period that is often referred to as RA season, which is a good time to weigh up the advantages of this investment product. 

These investment products have evolved into much more flexible and affordable investment vehicles than they once were, and investors can now benefit from “new-generation” RAs on linked investments platforms (LISPs). These offer a vast selection of underlying unit trusts, and they allow contributions to be made at the investor’s discretion, without penalties for missed contributions.

The most significant benefit of having a retirement annuity is the tax deductibility of contributions. Exactly what these deductions and allowable contributions look like are dependent on legislation, so it’s always best to check in on your portfolio to ensure that you’re maximizing the benefits.

An investor can expect to receive an annual tax refund in line with their income, and this RA rebate can considerably boost your retirement benefit.

Capital gains tax normally needs to be paid for any discretionary investment, but this isn’t the case with an RA. Interest and dividends are also not taxed in an RA, which means that the entire growth of your investment is tax-free, which makes a significant difference over the long-term. 

When you retire after the age of 55 and are allowed to take up to one third of your RA in cash, you will have to pay tax on the proceeds taken. However, a portion of the lump-sum benefit is tax-free and the rest is taxed on a sliding scale. And, as you have deferred paying tax on the proceeds, a larger investment amount has had the chance to compound tax-free over time. 

Come retirement, the other two thirds of the proceeds from your RA will be used to purchase an annuity, which will then provide you with an income to sustain you in your golden years. You will need to pay tax on your monthly “income”, but many individuals’ personal tax rates decrease after they retire. 

An RA presents another advantage when it comes to estate planning, as it falls outside of your estate, so the proceeds from your RA will be paid directly to your nominated beneficiaries when you pass away, without the estate duty or executor’s fees. For the most part, your money is also protected from the claims of creditors, which is another great RA-minder! 

In spite of this list of positives, many investors feel uneasy when it comes to retirement annuities and are reluctant to consider them as an investment option. However, it’s important to understand that RAs have evolved significantly, become much more affordable, and new regulations have been implemented to minimise risk and force investors to diversify.

This may not be considered as a positive thing by everyone, as Regulation 28 of the Pension Funds Act does restrict investors to a maximum of 75% allocation in shares, which many people debate as shares have managed to outperform all other asset classes over the long-term. However, this risk management method was implemented to benefit broad spectrum investors in different environments, and it offers more investment protection when markets become volatile.

If your objective is to specifically save for retirement, a retirement annuity could be the best vehicle for you.

Is it time for some romance without the rands? You can sweep someone off their feet whilst keeping yours on the ground.

Valentine’s Day has gained the reputation of being a Hallmark holiday that promotes Lindt rather than love. 

Ahead of rushing off to the shops to buy a big bunch of flowers or box of chocolates, you may wish to take a moment to reflect on the meaning behind the day and how you can best show your affection. 

THE STORY BEHIND THE HISTORY

Valentine’s Day is thought to go back to a fertility festival held on 15 February that was dedicated to a Roman god — the traditions of which were believed to guarantee fertility and ease the pain of childbirth. However, the rise of Christianity resulted in pagan rites being outlawed, and the festival was replaced with another annual highlight that revolved around the story of Saint Valentine.

He was a priest who secretly married young people during a time when it was forbidden, as unmarried soldiers were thought to be better fighters because they didn’t have the fear of leaving a wife behind. He was eventually imprisoned and sentenced to a three-part execution consisting of a beating, stoning and decapitation for his crime of defying the then-Emperor’s edict.

However, by remaining resolute in his belief about the sanctity of marriage (in spite of the risks and his eventual punishment), he is regarded by many as a martyr to his Christian cause; and 14th February — the date of his execution — is now celebrated as a day of love.

He also allegedly healed the judge’s blind daughter, and he ended a letter he wrote to her with the words “from your Valentine”, which has become a focal part of the modern love missive.

THE SAVVY OF HOW YOU CAN SAVE

Nowadays, the amorous event is celebrated in a variety of ways across the world. In South Africa, for example, some women pin the name of their sweetheart to their sleeve, and this is how men can discover that they have a secret admirer. 

For the average South African, spoiling that special someone on Valentine’s Day can become quite a costly affair, but you can still be romantic without splashing too much cash unnecessarily. The key is to plan in advance and budget accordingly. Also consider more experiential or bespoke gifting options that are personal to your relationship.

Write a list of things that your loved one loves, along with how much each thing costs —  be this a night out at the movies, or a gift of jewellery. Once you have an idea of prices, set a feasible budget and make a plan of action that sticks to this. 

Blowing all your savings on one day isn’t actually very romantic if it means you wind up begging for loans or eating plain pap for the rest of the year. It’s better to be realistic about what you can afford, and prioritise meaningful presents or experiences over sheer decadence. Alternatively, you may wish to consider skipping some luxuries now so that you can save enough to make your other half happy on the big day itself. 

You can also spread the love without breaking the bank by making a gift rather than buying one. For example, rather than getting into debt by taking your date for a seven-course tasting menu at a fine dining restaurant, try creating a romantic atmosphere in your home and cooking a delicious dinner that you both can enjoy by candlelight. 

Furthermore, if you want to do something particularly special, have a look for any deals that can make an enjoyable day more cost effective. You can still have fun at a low price, and a bit of effort and consideration can be worth far more to someone than simply picking up a large bill.

Here’s all you need to know about houseplants!

We live in increasingly polluted environments – both inside and outside! Trees and plants remain the best ‘machines’ for pumping down carbon dioxide and supplying us with clean air.

Without good, clean air, we have less energy and are more prone to allergies and poor health. If you want to improve your home or work space, here are a few reasons why you could consider plants in your home and office.

Choose the plants wisely

If you decide to go for indoor plants, do your research around what different types of plants contain and where they can work best. You’ll find that some plants work best with pets whilst others are toxic to animals and children. Some too are better for the kitchen, others work well in living spaces and others are great for bathrooms and bedrooms.

Are you caring enough?

Caring for living things, like plants and pets, gives you a bigger sense of reward and develops your caring character. Be willing to take care of the plants when you introduce them into your home. As part of your research you can learn about the best ways to take care of the plants.

Don’t have more plants than you can manage, as you have to regularly take care of them.

Cacti and succulents are said to be good plants if you’re a beginner with indoor plants. Plants like Garden Mum, Peace lily and Aloe Vera are great options that are easy to grow and they come with serious health wins. Some, like lavender, release a beautiful aroma into your home whilst ferns are super for filtering the air.

Plants also jazz up your space

A nice looking plant is also a cool decoration for your home. Some say seeing greenery can make you feel more relaxed and calm – good for your everyday mood!

Group your plants together nicely according to different widths and heights. The size difference gives a more organic look than plants of the same size. Setting up plants of the same colour together can be a good idea too.

To make a well-informed decision about your plants and how best to use them as air purifiers, chat to your local nursery and remember, start with easy plants!

Breathing cleaner air doesn’t have to come at the expense of high-end air conditioners – use nature’s purifiers!

How you finish your year is a powerful way to create momentum for the new year. How much you achieved (or didn’t quite manage) this year can inspire how much you aim to achieve next year. In the same way that an athlete pushes harder in every game, or an artist stretches their skills with each new work, so too can we set our sights higher for the year ahead.

And, planning for it now presents us with an opportunity of walking into the new year knowing what we want to achieve, right from the starting blocks!

Here are some tips to help you set next year’s goals.

Reflect on the current year’s achievements

What you want is most effectively framed by looking at what you already have. Reflecting on the goals achieved this year gives you an idea of what you could strive for in the new year.

Take some time to reflect on your current plans and check how much progress you’ve made. Reflect on what you drew motivation from, for example; consider the books you’ve read that gave you new insights, or flip through your playlists for music that made you feel productive, creative and positive.

Reflect on your hurdles as well; this can help you know what you need to work on in order to achieve more next year and complete the goals that you haven’t ticked off your list yet.

Think about your short and long term achievements

Seeing all these goals as part of your overall life plan will give the confidence to continue pursuing them. So, as much as it is important to attach a timeframe to your goals, keep in mind that 12 months can be a short time to achieve everything. Be kind to yourself and don’t be afraid to lengthen your timelines.

Set S.M.A.R.T goals

Many people love this approach to setting achievable goals.

• Specific – Set simple and specific goals. Try brainstorming your goals and discuss what you want to accomplish, why it matters, who is involved, where it’s located and which resources are required.
• Measurable – Measure your goals and keep tabs on your progress. You can measure your goals by asking yourself questions like, How will I know when it’s accomplished?, How much effort do I need to put in?
• Achievable – Set realistic and attainable goals that are within your abilities to achieve. An achievable goal is something that you can easily figure out how to accomplish within your constraints.
• Relevant – Set goals that matter to you and align with your life goals. Just because you see your friends swimming in the deep end, doesn’t mean you should start there when you learn how to swim.
• Time-bound – Instead of simply saying “Next year I want to learn how to swim”, set a specific timeframe for you to accomplish that goal. Attaching a time to it, is designed to prevent you from being complacent and remember your deadlines.

Create a strategy for success

Have a plan of action for your goals. Write out the next steps you need to accomplish them. Develop a map and routine for your goals.

For example, if you want to lose weight. Your plan would look something like this:

• Your why: To feel light, healthy and athletic
• Action 1: Drinking at least eight glasses of water per day and substituting the Friday afternoon beer with a vegetable shake, for the next 6 weeks.
• Action 2: Go running twice a week and do more chores – learn to be busier and active.
• Routine: Weigh yourself at least once a week to keep track of your progress.

Have someone who will hold you accountable

This is powerful! Choosing someone who you trust and will listen to will keep you motivated and remind you of what you wanted to achieve. It’s as valuable as a snooze button in the morning… sometimes you need a second alarm to wake up properly.

Even if one of the ideas above helps you, remember, these are YOUR goals. They’re not a chore or an obligation; they’re your commitment to a better you.

With all the treats at the social gatherings, watching both your budget and your diet during the festive season can be a challenge.

Whether we’re talking about savings goals, or weight goals, it’s easy to get a little carried away. It’s wonderful to treat your loved ones and enjoy yourself, and during a holiday it’s important to be kind to yourself and let loose a little. However, if you want to enjoy the season to its fullest, it’s helpful to have a positive mindfulness towards what you’re consuming.

An over-inflated tummy can be just as troubling as over-inflated expenses that need to be paid back in the months to come.

With the former… here are some tips you can use to help you keep to your health goals during the festive season!

Eat lots of fruit and vegetables

Whilst you don’t have to stick to every calorie (because that’s a serious buzzkill) use your current dietary goals as guidelines that you’re willing to be flexible with.

Fill out every meal and snack time with fruits and veggies. You can even bring your healthy meals to the social events you will be attending. Offering to bring your own dish of greens may be a good idea.

If you’re hosting, that means you have control of the menu. You can make healthier choices when shopping for the party, your guests may appreciate some healthy (and tastier) alternatives too. Healthy eaters are happy Peters!

Eat enough – check your meal portions

If that lavish roast on the table, with all that sauce, looks too good to avoid, don’t go wild on it. Have a glass of water before a big meal and you will be less likely to overeat. Don’t continue eating even when you feel full, you’ll regret it an hour later and enjoy the rest of your afternoon/evening far less.

If you have kids, or are celebrating with other people who have children, check how they feel about sweets and treats and don’t hand out chocolatey temptations without their consent.

If you go to restaurants with harvest tables, remember that the size of your portions equal the amount you will pay. So, being practical about your meal portions means being practical about your finances as well.

As the host, don’t over cater; avoid wasting food and don’t go over your food budget.

Keep to your exercise regime by changing it up a little…

Another key aspect to feeling happy and healthy is stimulating the flow of endorphins. It’s not always easy to keep up with a training schedule, or gym visits over the festive season, so why not consider mixing it up a little?

If you can’t run on the treadmill, ask your family to join you on a walk or trail. Spend some time on the trampoline with the kids, swim some lengths in the pool with a child on your back or play some pool games with your mates. Take the dogs for a run on the beach or explore a new trail that you’ve been dying to visit.

Remember, looking after your health doesn’t have to happen under the false-lighting of a near-empty Virgin Active.

Making mindful choices during the festive season is good for both your health and financial goals. Your holiday budget should align with your health goals, how much (and what) you eat will affect how much you spend.

You are in charge. You’re able to make healthy choices that will help you enjoy the festive season. Eat well and spend well!